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Sunday, September 5, 2010
Interview with Arquila
1. What was the biggest problem in your dating relationship? I put the man before God. I loved the creation more than the Creator. I had forsaken my first love which caused chaos in my relationship.
2. What was your biggest lesson you learned during your journey? That there is a cost for the sin I commit. Scripture teaches me not to fornicate which is having sex and I am not married. I could not be mad at the guy I was dating because of my choice to be disobedient which caused me pain. I was experiencing consequences for what I choose to do. In taking responsibility I could never say, “There are no good men left or all men are dogs.” If I want things to go better in my relationships, the change starts with me.
3. How was your past affecting your dating? I grew up in a house hold were my father would tell me I would never amount to anything and couldn’t do anything right. My ex-husband had that same condescending attitude towards me. What I learned is I had to forgive my father because that childhood relationship was still affecting me. And I had to learn what godly relationships looked like. I read how Boaz protected and provided for Ruth and she let him. Now this is my example and new standard for the special man in my life.
4. What did Scripture teach you as far as dating? First, Scripture taught me the difference in a man who treats me as someone who is special compared to someone he just wants to sleep with. The example is Jacob, Rachel and Leah where Jacob had an outward show of affection for Rachel. Jacob knew who he wanted and chose Rachel. He helped her with her task. He wanted to be in her presence. She was special and he waited to have sex with her. Jacob did not choose Leah but had sex with her and the next morning was calling for Rachel. Leah having sex with Jacob did not keep him from calling the woman who had his heart. Leah had sex with Jacob but was miserable and unloved. Jacob used Leah but loved Rachel. There was no mention of any outward show of affection or any mention of him spending time with Leah. All Jacob wanted was sex from Leah. As women we must decide if we are going to be a Leah or a Rachel.
5. How do you handle a guys disappearing act? By having a life that does not revolve around him. I had to learn to keep my appointments with my friends and family and it was okay to tell him no to us getting together when I had previous plans. Absence makes the heart grown fonder and too much of anything is not good. I do not want my male companion complaining of Arquila overload. Balance is key. So I volunteer with big brothers and big sisters, spend time writing books and hanging out with friends.
6. How do you handle the frustration when a guy makes possible plans for the weekend but doesn’t follow through which leaves many women sitting a home waiting on his call? I have him RSVP. I tell him to let me know by Wednesday if we are going to get together on Friday or else I will make alternate plans. This way my life is not on hold because of some possible plans he may have.
7. Does it frustrate you if a guy gets your number but does not call? No, I had to learn that when a guy does not call he is not the one for me. God blocked the connection and instead of being angry I am thankful. Life is all about perspective.
Synopsis : My Testimony documents Arquila's remarkable journey from dating drama and distress to dating experiences with knowledge and revelation. This highly personal yet universally relatable book outlines how Todd rose from the depths of despair after finding the true love of her life, God. Through her inspiring story readers will learn:
What the Bible really says about relationships - key Scripture to uplift, enlighten and heal.
How to learn, grow, and mature from your past boyfriends or partners no matter how painful or dysfunctional, with the help from Jesus Christ. She sat at His feet and was transformed.
The secrets to living a happy, fulfilled single life, whether dating or not. Discover the inner strength you didn't know you had by relying on God's glorious Word.
Through Todd's honest frank and always engaging personal history, readers will gain life-changing insights into the way God really commands us to live and the peace and fullness of life that follows. This book is for all women who have ever struggled with the answers that solve their dating frustrations.
Excerpt: So many men have been conditioned by the reactions of women. A man will mention plans and not follow through, which causes the woman to chase after him because the woman wants what he has suggested. Pavlov was a scientist famous for demonstrating that if you give a dog something to eat every time you ring a bell, soon the dog starts to salivate when you just ring the bell because it has associated one stimulus with the other. It’s the same way with men. The ladies they date enjoy spending time with them, and after a while, they just offer to spend time with the women, who begin to salivate, wishing for the reward of being with these men.
Awareness of the situation is key. We have a choice to step back for a moment and witness what is happening. Is a man putting a carrot in front of his woman’s face because he’s so conditioned to seeing women chase after the hope of being with him? He wants her to chase after what he is offering or what he has. And if so, we can make a conscience choice to not chase that carrot. We accomplish this by not allowing their proposals to get us so excited that we plan everything or nag them about their suggestion. We don’t run after what they are offering; we simply allow them to give to us.
We can see the proposal for what it is—just a suggestion—and say, “Oh, well, maybe he will follow through but maybe not. We will see. I am not affected by what he does or doesn’t do. I can make a conscious choice to not get bent out of shape if he doesn’t follow through. His proposal doesn’t make me or break me. His calling or not calling doesn’t rock my world. His follow-through, or lack thereof, doesn’t ruin my day. He doesn’t have that kind of control over my feelings. He is not the be-all to end-all. If he doesn’t make plans, life goes on. I am not thrown off one bit.”
Now, that’s girl power!
You can contact Arquila Todd at the following:
Sunday, September 05, 2010 No comments